funny

  • Conquest by Steam Bijou

    0 out of 5

    Brie Baggio thinks she’s ready… for marriage, kids, the whole shebang. She’s pushing forty, and even though she’s the Senior Anti-Aging Ambassador at Los Angeles’s hottest med spa, Botox can’t paralyze that nagging feeling that it’s now or never. But when she witnesses a wild act of public sex, Brie tears her marriage plans apart and composes a sexual bucket list of scenarios she wants to experience before she settles down. She has life yet to live, lessons to learn, and someone to find—herself—along the way.

    Sexy, smart, chock full of pop culture, Conquest is the it-series of the year. Help Brie cross each item off her list.

    1. An Older Man

    2. A Younger Man

    3. A Teacher

    4. Her Boss

    5. A Woman

    6. A Stranger

    7. A Threesome

    8. In Public

    9. Make a Sex Tape

    10. Dominate a Man Until He Cries

    Ready for some steam? Start the adventure today.

  • Little Red Whore Hood by Burns Well

    0 out of 5

    “Little Red Whore Hood” is a parody of “Little Red Riding Hood”. It might make you laugh, it will probably make you vomit, and it will definitely cause you to question your faith in humanity. If you’re a little bitch who throws temper tantrums when your weak grip on reality gets a good shake, or if fiction gets you flustered, then I’m afraid you’re too much of a pussy to be allowed to read this book. So please save your money, so you can go buy a dildo and fuck yourself with it. Thank you very, very much.

  • Christmas Bizarre by Lizz Lund

    0 out of 5

    What do Santa’s Sidekick, a dead lawyer and a geriatric vampire have in common? Meet Mina Kitchen – a forty-something single who finds trouble quicker than she can whip up a batch of breakfast breads. Plural. Her catering disorder runs neck-and-neck with her weird luck, and her cat’s weirder tendency toward gnawing elf gear. Okay, and getting kidnapped a couple of times in one week is a little strange, too.

    Her next door neighbor Vito’s past as ex-leader of the Moils, the Jewish-Polish Family from Bumville, New Jersey, comes to light and throws a dollop of dilemmas into an already simmering plot.

    Top it all off with a counterfeiting ring, a county-wide dearth of holiday wrapping tape, and a mass of pets running loose at the local mall, and what do you have? A recipe for disaster that Mina whips to a froth.

    Christmas Bizarre will keep you smiling when you’re not shouting up a belly laugh. Set in Lancaster, “Pee-Ay” you’ll discover a lively cast of characters, funny dialogue and lots of twists and turns. Hang on tight – you’re in for a slalom of a holiday ride.

    Christmas Bizarre is packed with delightful surprises – along with a bonus of free recipes, vetted by Lund’s chef husband, for your own culinary creation and consumption.

    **Recipes included!**

  • Bang! You’re Dead by Debra Salonen

    0 out of 5

    Judy Banger is done apologizing for her name, her weight and her sexuality. She is sorry–really sorry–about Buddy Fusco–the dead guy in her bed, but she didn’t see that one coming…probably because she was too busy um…you know…to notice the exact moment he kicked the proverbial bucket. Does that make her a bad person? Or is she simply someone who’s played by the rules too damn long and is fed up with where being good has gotten her. She’s ready to be bad…or, at least, very naughty.

  • The Devil Drinks Coffee by Destiny Ford

    0 out of 5

    A cow suicide, a revolving door rescue, and the birth of a bright purple pig are starting to make Kate Saxee wonder if taking a job in her small hometown of Branson Falls, Utah, was such a great idea. As The Branson Tribune editor, Kate covers local news, which, more often than not, involves her accident-prone mom. Nothing truly newsworthy has ever happened in the quiet town until local teen Chelsea Bradford turns up dead in a Branson Falls lake.

    The police rule Chelsea’s death an accident, but Kate suspects there’s more to the story—and she’s not the only one. Two of Branson’s most eligible bachelors are determined to help her solve the crime—among other things. But the small town social network is faster than Twitter, and gossip about Kate’s love-life is quickly branding her the Branson Falls hussy.

    As Kate learns more about Chelsea, she discovers that plenty of people are trying to cover up the real story behind the girl’s death—including Chelsea’s parents. Now Kate has to juggle work, men, her mom’s most recent disaster involving a low-speed John Deere Combine chase on the freeway, and fend off the Mormons heaven-bent on saving her soul—all while solving Chelsea’s murder. Dealing with this is going to require a lot of coffee, chocolate frosted donuts, Neil Diamond’s greatest hits, and a slew of words not on the town approved imitation swear list.

  • Temptation (Book 1 in The Temptation Series) by K.M. Golland @KellyGolly

    0 out of 5

    Sometimes being happily married and completely content is not at all what it seems.

    That is what 35 year old, happily married mother of two, Alexis Summers finds out when decides it is time to return to work. After being a stay-at-home Mum for the past nine years, Alexis now realises a complete career change is just what she needs.

    She becomes a Concierge Attendant in a prestigious hotel in Melbourne working for the owner of the hotel, Bryce Clark. He resides in the penthouse, is extremely hot, and is a man who always gets what he wants, and what he wants is Alexis. She does a relatively good job resisting Bryce at first, but the undeniable chemistry, sexual tension and playfulness between the two of them is intense. He has copious amounts of money, sex appeal and above all, is a genuinely nice guy. Bryce has been waiting for his one true love to come along, and he is positive that one true love is Alexis.

    There is one problem, she is happily married to Rick, and no matter how strong her feelings are for Bryce, she is adamant she will not cheat. She draws a line in the sand, but finds it increasingly hard not to cross. Will she succumb to Temptation?

  • Pass the Hot Stuff by Dana Page @DanaPage_author

    0 out of 5

    Blythe Townsend is a belle in desperate need of having her chimes rung. But the man she is dating would have to get his head out of his briefs – his legal briefs – long enough to notice. She lives in the French Quarter with her dog, Lady Marmalade, and is determined not to go sour on love even though she has dated every nutcase along the Mississippi Delta. When she spots a man she christens Tall, Dark and Eye Candy, she starts to feel what she’s been missing. A lover of classic movies, she is going to have to reach down deep to find her inner big-shouldered broad to find something a little sweeter and overcome the obstacles that are about to be hurled at her like doubloons from a Mardi Gras parade.