The Horny Heart? by Paula Jacobsson

Show me ONE person who doesn’t want to have an amazing and breathtaking sex life! Not that everybody considers sex to be the most important factor in life, but when we do engage in sexual activities we want to experience the stuff that rocks our world and leaves us lying in bed spent and happy with a silly grin on our faces. I know I do. But, how do we go about it? Well, as far as I have understood the majority go out to buy some new spicy underwear, a sex toy or two, watch porn together or something to that effect. In many cases that might help to put some zing back into the relationship for a short while, but the effect doesn’t last and instead of rushing back to the store for some more supplies they need to turn back inwards, towards their relationship. The media feeds us with a zillion different outfits, looks, toys and porn-inspired scenarios to make us believe that’s what’s missing. They couldn’t be more wrong because the most important factor to a fulfilling and awe-inspiring sex life is….wait for it: INTIMACY. Read that again. Intimacy. Some say you can read this word as: In-to-me-see. And that’s just it. When you relate to someone intimately, you know them deep down, you can read their eyes and gestures for an update on the mood right now, you know their dreams, innermost needs and wishes, there is absolutely no end to the possibilities and dimensions that you can experience together. This doesn’t mean that every sexual encounter need be an earth moving experience; sometimes it’s ok with the wham-bam-variety. Why doesn’t intimacy sell? Well, it takes time. There is no quick-fix and we live in an age where instant gratification is key. On the other hand many also recognize that these quick-fixes leave us with a feeling of emptiness. Porn shows us a warped version of “reality” by presenting always-ready-to-go-solutions where all the participants at all times are a hundred percent focused on sex and nothing else. Newflash! Nobody in the real world lives or functions like that. If they’re emotionally healthy that is. If you want to settle for porn, that’s your choice, but be aware that you are settling for something that can never be anything but a cheap and sadly lacking copy of the real thing. You have this extraordinary possibility of really living, right here, right now, don’t sell yourself short. So, instead of spending precious time on running around trying to find the aphrodisiac that is missing in a sex shop or on the internet, spend time together with your partner, as well as with yourself, make an effort to get to know each other better, listen attentively, tell each other about vulnerabilities, needs, sorrows, joys and dreams. In fact use every waking moment together to find out something more about your partner, look at it as an adventure, a treasure to be excavated, lovingly. The book “The Horny Heart?” is an outspoken, inspirational, easy-going but still serious reminder that we need to make conscious choices in order to have the fantastic and enriching experiences we all dream of.