Britt by Alan Hardy
DEGENERATE FLOOSIES…DASTARDLY GERMAN SPIES…DIRTY OLD MEN…SOPWITH CAMELS…AND A VIRGINAL HERO AND HEROINE WHO ARE ENGLAND’S ONLY HOPE….
1918. England faces defeat. Germany looks set to triumph. Only one man and one woman can save England.
Wriggles is the Royal Flying Corps’ greatest ace. Can he prevent a dastardly German spy ring from getting top-secret information out of France? Is he completely out of his depth in a world of devilish scoundrels, and flouncing, unashamed, near-naked scarlet women?
Britt, his childhood sweetheart, is working as a nurse at a hospital near Paris. Forever pining for the lost innocence of her childhood, she too has problems. Adrift in a world of dirty old men and dissolute hussies, she is fast approaching mental breakdown. She finds purpose in life as a slayer of German spies. Convinced as she is that German male spies have snakes growing out from between their legs, they are quite easy to identify. Another obsession of hers is to discover what Wriggles has between his legs…
As well as twists and turns of plot, exciting aerial combats, and a host of characters, from the suave, bollocks-obsessed Major Mullen to sexy, black-haired, pouting Marianne casting amorous eyes over our virginal hero, there unfolds (in the story of Britt and Wriggles) one of the greatest love-stories ever told. Will it end happily, or will Wriggles end up with a bullet through his head, and Britt strait-jacketed in a mental institution?
This is a novel of sexual and martial comedy, with no-holds-barred excitement and thrills, and more. It explores two flawed individuals who, heartbreakingly unable to come to terms with an adult world, begin to draw closer and closer together and discover feelings hitherto unknown to them. It is a sympathetic portrayal of two children trapped in adult bodies, and how one of them, Britt, tries to dig her way out of her schizophrenic nightmare with a courage and determination which deserves to succeed…
Will Britt manage to save herself..? And will Britt and Wriggles save England..? Will they find true love? Or does death and madness await them in a world dominated by Germany and its depraved supporters?
Description
Find more from this author on:
About the author:
As well as my poetry, I am currently revising two other novels: one an original take on the theme of time-travel, with a good many stings in the ‘tale’; and the other recounting a story of obsessive, near-pathological love. Watch this space.
What inspired you to write your book?
I wondered what happened to the characters in boys’ adventure books when they grew up…or came into contact with the real, adult world, when, basically, they discovered, or didn’t discover sex. That was the genesis for the idea of a story whose hero and heroine are like two children in adult bodies, forced to confront an evil world of corruption, sexual deviancy, pretence and horror.
Here is a short sample from the book:
In the dim light of this nefarious place he noticed a figure detach itself from the background and wend its way towards his table. The form materialised into a plumpish woman wearing a long, tight skirt and a lacy top he had the impression he could see through. Large shapes he associated, oddly, with images of his mother, and warm flesh he could nestle in, could be glimpsed through her flimsy blouse. Her black hair was cropped short.
“Hello, Captain,” breathed the apparition, sitting down beside him. “You are a friend of Major Mullen?”
“Yes,” Wriggles said, unable to meet her big, blue eyes staring fearlessly at him and reaching deep down into his soul.
She drew in smoke from a cigarette in a long black holder, exhaling her hot, smoky breath over his reddening face. She put her hand on his chest, and he winced. She giggled cruelly. She ran her fingers over his body.
“What is this bulge?” she asked, her fingers pausing at his trouser-pocket, her finger-nails scratching its fibres.
“Just documents for HQ. Nothing for a lady to concern herself with,” he mumbled. “Excuse my manners, but with whom am I having the pleasure of–”
She interrupted him with a deep-throated, mocking drawl of a laugh.
“Watahuri is my stage name,” she intoned, giving a mischievous squeeze to his documents, “but you can call me Yvette.” She paused, staring languidly at him. “Would you like to have a cocktail in my dressing-room?” She uncrossed her legs, slowly and itchingly, and Wriggles heard the rustle of fabric on flesh occasioned by her skirt’s tightness. She took the cigarette out of its holder and dropped it into the ash-tray on the table, leaving it to smoulder, the smoke curling into Wriggles’s eyes. She stood up. She looked down on him…
…Wriggles found himself half-sitting, half-reclining on the chaise longue in her room. He looked round at its strange sights: a screen with various frilly garments flung over its top; a dressing-table with innumerable containers imbuing the air with languorous, decadent odours; a cocktail-cabinet with glasses and bottles; and a table with papers, a bottle of ink and a paper-knife.
The painted Jezebel was beside him, leering at him, pawing at his lap with her chubby fingers. He felt repelled by the grotesque, almost inhuman wretch before him. She must have been the victim of some mania, some regression into an animal-like, primitive state of being.
“Surely if you went to see your mummy and daddy, they would be able to help you?” he asked.
“My mummy and daddy? What do you mean?”
She was emitting strange sounds, little moans escaping from her lips, beads of sweat collecting above them, as she caressed his legs and his bulges nearby.
Suddenly her head was buried in his lap, writhing about like a pig in a trough working grub into its mouth, irritating him and his posture. He shifted about awkwardly.
“Oh, I say!” he said when he could take no more, jumping up and inadvertently kneeing Watahuri in the face. Her head jerked back to reveal her teeth clamped tight over a white envelope. “By Jove, what’s that? Are those the documents for HQ? I’m afraid they’re top-secret. Not for the eyes of a woman.”
But Watahuri was not open to reasonable arguments. She was enraged. Possessed. She ripped off her blouse to reveal massive wobbly bits that made him think of the gigantic blobs of jelly he and Britt used to be given at birthday-parties. She unzipped her skirt, and shoved it halfway-down her legs with feverish hands. She grabbed something from the table and rushed at him; with her skirt stuck over her fat thighs, she almost tripped over.
“Give me back my documents!” insisted Wriggles, grabbing at the envelope in her mouth.
She wrenched her head backwards away from his grasp, saliva dripping from her fangs on to the paper, which was turning soggier and soggier. She drew in her breath and saliva, sucking at the envelope, fastening her teeth tightly over it. He lunged at her and she toppled over. He landed on top of her; it felt as if she were sucking him and his documents deep into her. He could half-see the paper-knife held high in her hand above him descending towards the back of his neck, which was positioned directly above the envelope clenched between her huge ravenous teeth. He suddenly knew, as if in the midst of an aerial combat where a split-second decision to turn or dive or swivel could mean the difference between life and death, that if he didn’t act now, this could be the end. This could mean the loss of his secret documents, the ripping open and revealing of the contents of his envelope to her eyes, or this could even be his own physical demise, his neck slashed open by cold steel. Or the loss of something else even more vital, the loss of his honour and his purity. The image of Britt, and her pale and haunted features, came to his mind. With a superhuman manoeuvre of body, akin to a Sopwith Camel flipping over on its back, he flung his body round to meet her descending arm, wrenched the knife out of her sweaty palm, and, as she, snarling fury, raised her body to meet his, pushing her torso roughly into his midriff as he twisted round again, he brought down the knife and thrust it into her naked body, pulling it out and inserting it again and again in a mad, mad frenzy. Watahuri screamed and screamed and yelled and yelled, gasping and gasping for breath. Her body raised itself even more, then stayed motionless a moment. A word escaped from her lips. “NEEDY!” She repeated it. “NEEDY!” And then, with a sigh and a shudder, her body fell back, lifeless. Defeated. Overwhelmed. Repulsed. Wriggles felt as he felt whenever he managed to withstand an onslaught from a wave of Fokkers and eventually, straining every muscle in his body and spitting lead at them, had turned them back. The tension, the harsh breathing after the climax.
He stood up, glancing down at the body of the foul fiend whose claws, thank God, he had escaped from. He bent down and prized the envelope out of her filthy fangs. He shuddered as the dampness of the sodden paper she had been licking and sucking grazed his finger. Her body was naked but for the lower part of her legs where the skirt had got caught. Her thighs were held tight, squeezed together. Images of classical statues in museums came into his mind. He looked around. He took the cover off the chaise longue and hurriedly draped it over her unmoving body. As he did so, he caught vivid glimpses of the blood oozing from and about her. He held up his red hands close to his face. His own body was shaking. He had killed this vile snake. This evil abomination. This heartless German agent who had wanted to get her hands on his documents. He shuddered at the depths to which the evil Hun and their godless, shameless servants would stoop. He would dedicate himself to the eradication of the Germans and their threat to everything he held dear. He would annihilate them and their hussies. The evil bitches who did their bidding. He would keep himself pure and untainted. He would save England, and what he held dear, from the dirty, sweaty grasp of its enemies.
Everyone knew there was a feared secret ring of German spies operating in France. Some people said it numbered ten, others five. One of their number was rumoured to be called The Red Baroness. Well, one thing was certain. There was now one fewer of their repulsive, degenerate number to contend with. It had been a good day’s work.
Related products
-
What Do Lesbians Do In Bed? 21 Sapphic Stories by Giselle Renarde
Have you ever wondered what lesbians do when they get together? Is it all fingers and scissors and lips between legs, or is there WAY more to the slippery story of lesbian sex?
In this hot new anthology, enjoy twenty-one explicit tales of lesbian love. From shoe fetish to opera gloves, sex in public to quiet winter mornings, from a taste of taboo to strap-on DP to extremes that shan’t be mentioned here to full-on Sapphic bukakke, even connoisseurs of fine girl-on-girl action are likely to discover a new idea or two in this sexy new collection.
Whether you can appreciate this book’s title ironically or you’re authentically curious about what girls who love girls do in bed (or in parked cars or at the office or in a church basement or in a restaurant bathroom), grab a copy today and get in on the nitty-gritty secrets of lesbian sex.
Giselle Renarde’s erotic fiction has appeared in over 100 anthologies, including prestigious collections like Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Lesbian Romance, Best Women’s Erotica, Girl Fever, and the Lambda Award-winning collection Wild Girls, Wild Nights.
Finding Alice by Stephane Morris
Romantic, sensual and enlightening.
This novel creates a new genre by taking a refreshingly different angle to other romantic novels. A love affair leads to a journey of self-discovery that is both thought provoking and enlightening.
John Mason is a successful businessman. A beautiful free spirited woman brings out passions John never knew existed, with consequences he could never have imagined. What unresolved inner conflicts from his youth does the love affair expose? Can he overcome them? If he does where will that leave him? The outcome is unpredictable.
A life-changing journey that is both fascinating and confronting.
Literally, a page-turner that starts slowly but will ultimately grip you and hold you to the end.
For mature readers.
Close Up and Personal by JS Taylor
Actress and director. The stage is set for passion…
Drama-school graduate Isabella Green wants to be a script-writer. But when she meets famous director James Berkeley, she’s tempted into the glamorous world of acting.
Behind the camera, the mysterious Berkeley commands discipline at all times. But Isabella soon discovers his dominant male tendencies also extend into the dressing room.
Suddenly Isabella is discovering a side of herself she never knew existed. But she is also learning more about the alluring James Berkeley. Is his desperate past something she can help heal? Or will the flames of passion consume them both when the cameras start rolling?
Lights, camera, action…
Close Up and Personal strips down to zero dollars over Christmas – 24th-28th December – get yours free!
Fated Mates by Michelle Fox, Selena Kitt, Michelle McCleod, Cerys du Lys, Ava Catori, Deanna Roy, Eve Langlais, Ty Nolan, J.E. & M. Keep, Adriana Hunter, Liliana Rhodes, Lynn Red, A.T. Mitchell, Skye Eagleday, Alexis Dare, A.E. Grace, Georgette St. Clair
If you like your men dark, dangerous and alpha, this exclusive shifter romance boxed set is for you. Featuring hot stories from popular New York Times, USA Today, Amazon, and Barnes and Noble bestselling authors, including Adriana Hunter, Liliana Rhodes, Lynn Red, A.T Mitchell and more, these steamy books and alpha shifters will be sure to whet your appetite and leave you longing for more.”
Three Happy Endings (Secrets, Surprises and Submission: Three Passionate Romances from New York Times Bestselling Author) by Opal Carew
“TOP 15 B&N BESTSELLER (THREE)
TOP 100 E ROMANCE ON AMAZON (THREE)
Three men are better than one…
Secrets, surprises, and submission – three torrid tales of triple passion!
THREE
Hot steamy dreams… a sexy stranger… and his two brothers… all add up to a sexy adventure she’ll never forget.
Lori’s steamy dreams about a hot hard stranger are hitting fever pitch. She needs way more than eye contact and a smile across a crowded subway station. An instant connection sizzled between them and now Lori, who’s never believed in love at first sight, is its helpless victim.
When Lori goes to her best friend’s cabin for the weekend to spend time with Marie, her new husband and his brothers, she’s surprised to wind up face-to-face with her fantasy stranger. But he’s Marie’s husband!
When she meets his brothers, however, she finds that there just might be a way to make her dream come true.
Now Lori is experiencing her wildest fantasy yet, three ultra-sexy men all focused on her. But she wants more than a steamy dream brought to life. Because she’s in love. But can her sexy stranger return her love?
Note: This intriguing short story is scorching hot, with more than one handsome hunk to bring your wildest fantasies to life. Consider yourself warned!
THREE MEN AND A BRIDE
What do you do when you can’t stop lusting after your new husband’s two gorgeous brothers?
Can Marie successfully suppress her fantasies of the three brothers making wild, luxuriant love to her, or will she have to endanger her happy marriage by admitting her feelings to her husband, Drake?
Although this is the second story in the erotic THREE series, this steamy read is the prequel to Three. You can enjoy Three Men and a Bride on it’s own, or after you have read THREE.
THREE SECRETS
Keeping one secret is intriguing. Two is naughty. Three… deserves to be punished.
Sharing secrets has never been so exhilarating…
When they met in Paris, Nicole and Abel enjoyed a sensual, romantic two month fling. The last thing Nicole wanted was to fall head over heels for this sweet, loving man, because she knew he would never accept the truth about her. Unfortunately, the heart wants what it wants, and hers wanted Abel. But Nicole was not one to be controlled by anyone or anything, so once they returned home, she walked away.
When the pain of losing Abel became too much, Nicole finally decided to share her secret with him. Little did she know he had a secret of his own.
Will Abel’s secret extinguish Nicole’s craving for him once and for all? Will Nicole’s revelation bring Abel to his knees?
This is a collection of super hot short stories.
Length: 25,500 words
Plus excerpts from The Office Slave (Volume 1 of The Office Slave Series) and His To Possess (about billionaires, bikers and bad boys all rolled into one).”
A Love For Romance – Anthology by Stephanie Phillips
A preview of Trading Yesterday by USA Today Bestselling Author Kahlen Aymes
The Break (Breaking Free, Part 1) by USA Today Bestselling Author Debra Presley
Always Too Late by Micalea Smeltzer
Until the Stars Forget to Shine by Amber Garza
The Only Chance by Magan Vernon
Awakened: A Leila Marx World Novella by Amber Garr
Do You Mind? by Freya Barker
Cock-Blocked by W. Ferraro
What Happens on Spring Break by R.C. Stephens
Always There by Elizabeth Hayes
Falling for Lindy by Ashlee Taylor
Burning the Midnight Oil by Eilson Grace
Babysitting for the Biker by Sammi Starlight
Chasing Love by Misha Elliott
Tall, Dark & Alpha Boxed by Eve Langlais, Afton Locke, Paige Tyler, Sam Cheever, Randi Alexander, Koko Brown, Eve Vaughn, Farrah Rochon, Delaney Diamond, Dawn Montgomery
“~ Top 100 Amazon Bestseller~
~ USA Today Recommended Read in Romance~
These HOT alphas are ready to take charge.
Are you ready for the decadence and allure of an alpha’s dark charm? The bad boys in these 10 sizzling stories will make your heart pound. Against these dominant seducers, the heroines don’t stand a chance. Prepare to fall in lust–and love.
Delve into the sensual worlds of award-winning authors: Randi Alexander, Koko Brown, Sam Cheever, Delaney Diamond, Eve Langlais, Afton Locke, Dawn Montgomery, Farrah Rochon, Paige Tyler, and Eve Vaughn. Immerse yourself in the alpha male experience.
***
*New, Boxed Set Exclusive* Rock My Boat by Afton Locke: Rhonda Simms embarks on a cruise to create an ad campaign. Instead, she lands a shape shifter who will do anything to be human again. Will she let him rock her boat?
*New, Boxed Set Exclusive* Silver Tongued Devils by Dawn Montgomery: Captain Na’varr and his executive officer, Brom, know they have a good thing when they capture stowaway hacker, Raesa, with her hot temper and dangerous curves. They want her, body and soul just as she wants them. But such trust endangers them in ways none of them can anticipate. Dare they risk it all?
Fight for Love by Delaney Diamond: Rafael Lopez, former professional wrestler and “”Sexiest Athlete Alive,”” is back and determined to hold onto the woman he lost, but still loves, and the son he never knew existed.
Crazy (Vampire Love) by Eve Langlais: Ella hears voices and they don’t like anyone. But not even poltergeists can stand in the way of a vampire in love.
*New, Boxed Set Exclusive* Sex with an Ex by Eve Vaughn: When these two divorcees reunite in the bedroom, the sex is hotter than ever. But can their hearts survive the second time around?
In Her Wildest Dreams by Farrah Rochon : When Erica Cole, owner of “”Your Wildest Dreams”” event planning, requests his help in creating a Valentine’s Day fantasy date for her clients, chocolatier Gavin Foster sees it as the perfect opportunity to show her just how sweet their reality could be.
*New, Boxed Set Exclusive* Player’s Challenge by Koko Brown: Sports agent Gemma Clarke must face the biggest challenge of her young career: represent her former lover and bad boy footballer, Devin Spencer. Their passionate love affair ended badly. Now he’s back to prove to Gemma he’s changed and convince her to give them one more chance.
Two Cops, a Girl, and a Pair of Handcuffs by Paige Tyler: Cilla Garner has it bad for hot cops Hayes Prescott and Reed Lockwood. If they both end up asking her out, she doesn’t know how she’ll choose. Having a threesome doesn’t even enter her mind until they hint at it, and then it’s all she can think about.
Chase and Seduction by Randi Alexander: Country music superstar/actor Chase Tanner has never wanted anything or anyone more than gorgeous screenplay writer Reno Linden. To Reno, Chase is larger than life, sinfully sexy and hell-bent on getting her into bed. Reno risks the plunge into Chase’s arms, but will their attraction survive the glitz and stress of fame?
Tall, Dark and Apocalyptic by Sam Cheever: He’s a hunter in a world turned upside down. She’s his prey, a creature of dark magic. But the passion burning within them may be their undoing.”
Christmas Blend by Evie Lester @evielester2
A cup of smooth, rich coffee and the joy Christmas—what could be better?
Beth Ross finally pulled her life together, opening a coffee shop in the small Minnesota town where her special Christmas blends have become a local sensation. For Beth, the holidays promise to be a season of fulfillment.
But when handsome, mysterious Chad Parker walks into her shop to place an order on the day after Thanksgiving her carefully constructed world begins to unravel.
The chemistry between them is impossible to deny. But they each have more baggage than Santa’s sleigh and an out-of-control business rivalry that could stop any budding romance in its tracks.
I am a reader of romances and chick lit who decided to try my hand at it. This is my first effort.
With the holidays coming and all the seasonal beverages appearing in the local coffee shops at this time of year, I always begin to get in the holiday mood. I love coffee. And I love a pumpkin spice latte. And, of course, I love Christmas. So I decided to write a short, sweet romance inspired by this special feeling at this special time of year.
Reviews
There are no reviews yet.