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  • Exploring my FREEDOM – gay diary by David Svoboda

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    My name is David. This diary is my true story!

    I’m a simple guy from Prague in Czech Republic. That’s in Central Europe – a young country that has been under communists until 20 years ago, when we got our independence.

    I’m 28 years old now and my world view has always been projected towards the west, not east. Towards the modern and free, not socialist and limiting. Luckily I lived in a family where these values were encouraged and nourished. Open mindedness, optimism and hard work are the values that I developed throughout my childhood.

    I’ve been told I am cute, but I don’t always believe it. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a real hunk. Then there are times I think I look strange – big pointy nose and chin, uneven ears and a skinny body, especially my legs. But I have been working out regularly for some time so I’m quite fit. I’m hairy, but keep my body hair trimmed short. It’s a sexy look if you are into that.

    Less clear-cut is my love life; I don’t know if I have ever been in love. It’s a strange feeling to admit to yourself at 28 years old that you have probably never experienced romantic love. I mean I have had some nice people in my life, people that I really cared about and still do to this day, but I’ve never really felt in love.

    My relationship with Dominic had lasted for five years. Had I loved him? Unfortunately, if I’m totally honest with myself, I have to admit – no. During the relationship, those feelings were complicated. Now that I was free, it was clear. I had not loved him. Did I care about him? Of course I did! I missed him a lot when we broke up. But after five years, you would miss anyone. People get used to each other, comfortable in the routine, even if the love is lacking.

    After five years of relationship, my heart seemed to scream… Freedom! He loved me, and I knew that, I felt that! He wore his heart on his sleeve. While I felt, and knew I needed to be, free, I felt bad for hurting him by breaking up. He was so nice to me, very caring and generous, taking care of me whenever and wherever I needed.

    One thing in our relationship did not work: sex. Our libidos were completely different – I needed sex often, he needed it very rarely. I was so horny, I felt I was going crazy. No amount of flirting or sensual touch could turn him on; nothing would make him give me what I wanted: for him to rip my clothes off and take me passionately.

    After some time I gave up trying to seduce him and discovered the vast world of online porn. I enjoyed watching hardcore porn. But then I found the live cam scene and discovered I loved jerking off on a live cam stream with people watching me. During that time when I would get turned on and jerk with other guys online, I lost all sexual interest in Dominic. He did not even make me hard anymore. Now I was used to a hot guy from Brazil or that hung stud from the Machofucker movie getting me aroused. Sad, but true: I stopped trying with Dominic, and for some time, my newly discovered online porn world was enough to satisfy me. My new ‘sex’ life didn’t last for long though.

    We didn’t cheat on each other and we didn’t look for threesomes. Though I was willing to experiment with that, Dominic was strongly against it. So sex, or the lack of it, became a big problem in our relationship – the problem that broke us up. I was feeling unhappy and unsatisfied to the point I could no longer take it and so I ended the relationship. Sometimes the best solution is also the hardest, the most painful. I was in my best years and was aching to be sexually satisfied. Dominic was not the person to do that anymore. So that was that.

    I made a profile on an online dating site only three days after the break-up. I was ready to have real, hot fun with guys! Now I was free to do it; I was free to let go, to find someone real, to bring my love life out of the virtual world and into the flesh!

    Very soon I started to plan a holiday. For the first time in five years, I was free to go wherever I wanted, to follow my own agenda. Visions of a journey across the USA captivated my imagination. I wanted to explore new places, meet new people and have a lot of fun. I wanted to go alone so I could have the whole time for myself. It was, after all, a celebration of my freedom. It would be my great adventure for the year.

    After planning an itinerary and buying the tickets, I waited impatiently for the date of departure!

    It finally came and my adventure began… This book is a diary from that trip. Have fun!